I have been asking myself about the difficulty I have making friends, has been like that all my life? Or is it just in the last couple of years when it really has become more conscious.
I mean before I didn't really realize the complexity of it, I was just living my life, was most of the time with my family, had occasional friends (never had any lasting relationships), people came and went out of my life.
I think that one of the problems with social anxiety is that one is over conscious of things that happen around, I am always thinking too much over things like if somebody looked at me, why did this person looked? Is this person laughing about me? Is this person talking about me? And on and on and on, my mind goes into creating a whole “movie” with my thoughts, and then I start to feel really anxious.
I am always thinking people wants to hurt me, or that people is talking bad about me, or that they are planning things to upset me, that is why I am scared of getting close to people. It has been like that most of my life, just that it was not as conscious as it is now.
How to stop my exaggerated thoughts about others wanting to hurt me? Why does my mind goes into those thoughts?
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Difficulty making friends all my life
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3 comments:
rewired, I am in the process of stop doing it, as you mentioned. It's just that I have to work hard on it, it is an unconscious stage of mind, I react to certain situations unconsciously because of being conditioned to it.
Thanks for visiting my blog, how did you find it?
Yes, I have an account there:
http://reddit.com/user/social-anxiety/, I am glad is useful.
Difficulty making friends certianly sums up a sizable chunk of my life...
I think i figured out why I'm realtively friendless- I don't know how to make friends..
I have a best friend-but he's on the opposite coast...
I used to be gregarious and outgoing, but when my family moved in my early teens, the kids at the new school tormented me as I was pudgy-But loved my older brother who was a football and track star-- he got all the girls-The people who coverted my bother still ridiculed me..
In college, he was even more lucky with the ladies- and a few of them ridiculed me for not being as hot as my brother- I recently came to the realization those taunts devistated my self confidence..I'm 39- why should rejection from 20 years ago botherr me?
So having been a nerd in college, I didn't socialize much, i stayed in- and after college, I worked, and spoent my off hours relaxing at home..I was a homebody, but that slowly evolved intoi reclusive tendencies...
My brother recently married, and upwards of a hundred friends were at the wedding-It occoured to me- I have ..1 friend, possibly two...Plus a handful of internet friends froim various messageboards-but do those count?
In recent years I have tried to go out and meet people- but i came to a shocking realization-I really don't know how to make friends- I'm socially inept- I tried going to a singles pub crawl, but kept retreating to the bathroom to hyperventalate as I apparently have severe social anxiety when in groups of complete strangers- I get so paranoid wracking my brains for topic to talk about...
Yet the irony is I'm a teacher, and have no problems speaking in front of the students.
I figure at this stage of my life, i'm damaged goods, and accept things for the way they are..I wish i could change, but i don't know how..
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