Did you ever asked yourself what it was to be a child with SA? Can you recall it? Are we born with some type of Anxiety?
As I can recall, I was a “difficult child”, that’s what I was told, since the day of my birth, my mother had difficulties giving birth… I was too big, waited around 10 pounds; I was also a baby that had many problems adapting to eating and sleeping hours and was crying all the time.
I am not sure about my mother’s stage of mind during that time, haven’t asked her, but because of the way she treated me during my infancy (aggressiveness), I could tell she was really having lots of emotional problems, I still remember seeing her crying a lot of times at night, I didn’t know what was going on.
Anyways my point is to try to find out if we are born with some type of anxiety (genetic predisposition) or if it has to do with the upbringing and the relationship we establish with our first caretakers (parents). I believe in my case it had to do with both, but mostly because of the brutal education I received from my mother, if she would have been a calm mother, without the emotional problems she had, things would have been different.
I want to mention that I am writing this blog mostly as a healing process, I am looking for better ways to overcome my social anxiety (I refuse to call it “disorder”), it's a way for me to let things out. I have been feeling that sitting down to write about my emotions has helped me, it is relieving, it's a way to give a new order to my emotions.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Born as a Child with Social Anxiety ?
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4 comments:
rewired, when I mentioned that it could be a genetic condition, I was thinking that maybe we are born with some type of genetic predisposition to anxiety and if we don't have the appropiate education in our infancy then we would probably develop some type of anxiety.
I know I was born with an anxiety disorder. I am 36 years old now and I firmly believe it is the direct result of a neurological imbalancing in my brain. When puberty set in I started to react to those around me (adults as well as my peers) who asked while was i always so nervous. What was my problem? Why can't I just be normal? I believe psychologically I reacted with even more "fear" where I developed uncontrollable spasms and, thus, started to avoid social situations even though I loved to be around people. My parents thought it was a phase. Two years ago I found out my father suffered a similar childhood experience but thought it was a result of a very stressful upbringing to say the least and he didn't want to "indulge" me as a teenager. I was determined when I started college at 17 to not succumb to this thing that I was told was "just in my head." Well $10,000 later and 10 years of psychological counseling which included 25 different rx's, which I didn't find help at all a neurologist prescribed a seizure medicine for petit mal. I didn't have much faith in it at first but it slowed my heart rate to normal for the first time and I din't have those involuntary tremors. I still have an anxiety disorder to this day but I've advocated my whole that although I suffered from anxiety, it is merely a symptom of an underlying cause. And I'm don't quite fully understand the misfiring that goes on in my brain but I don't think medicine has advanced enough to begin to understand most of the underline causes. But until the day I die I will live in peace knowing that anxiety is a symptom as I said just like I have a fever because I have the flu virus.
I know I was born with an anxiety disorder. I am 36 years old now and I firmly believe it is the direct result of a neurological imbalance in my brain. When puberty set in I started to react to those around me (adults as well as my peers) who asked why was I always so nervous. What was my problem? Why can't I just be normal? I believe it was then when I now psychologically reacted with even more "fear" which included uncontrollable spasms, and thus, started to avoid social situations even though I loved to be around people. My parents thought it was a phase. Two years ago I found out my father suffered a similar childhood experience but thought it was a result of a very stressful upbringing to say the least and he didn't want to "indulge" me by telling me when I was a teenager. I was determined when I started college at 17 to not succumb to this thing that I was told was "just in my head." Well $10,000 later and 10 years of psychological counseling which included 25 different rx's, which I didn't find helpful at all (they even tried Parkinson's and heart medicine after exhausing all the anti-anxiety/panic disorder onces) a neurologist prescribed a seizure medicine for petit mal. I didn't have much faith in it at first but I immediately didn't have those involuntary tremors. My confidence built up within the first year. I'm now a talkaholic - no stuttering. I've given many speeches. And most of all, I can be around people like I always wanted to. It's only been 8 years on the medicine so I'm still immature in my social interactions. And best of all, NO side effects - I have 6 EKG's in my life due to a heart murmur and my heart has never been stronger then in the last 8 years. But I STILL have an anxiety disorder. I'm don't quite fully understand the misfiring that goes on in my brain but I don't think science has advanced enough to begin to understand most of the underline causes. But until the day I die I will live in peace knowing that anxiety is merely a symptom as I just like when I have a fever because I caught the flu bug. I'm sorry this is so lengthy but if I could help someone from a LIFELONG EXPERIENCE and a FATHER WHO SUFFERED AS WELL (and also a GRANDFATHER who died of depression from it after my grandmother passed) I would seriously want to. I believe it is "not just in your head." In my case it was genetic. In fact, I was tested my psychiatrists at 3 years old when I was first diagnosed and my parents turned an ignorant ear in the early 70s (which my mother, a lifelong chemist admits now). And, if it helps at all most people that suffer from it have been proven to be above average intelligence pursant to Harvard Medical.
Dear Author:
If you do decide to publish one of my blogs, kindly publish the last one for that was the best way I wanted to convey the message.
I thought I was having technical difficulty with my computer, and therefore, published it more than enough times (as you can see). I apologize for the inconvenience. Also, any blogs I might publish in the future will be more compact. Obviously, this is an emotional issue for me to comment in short for the first time. Thank you.
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