Made New Discoveries about my own Social Anxiety (Childhood)

I have found some things that I think are important about the origins of my social anxiety. I discovered that when I get the *symptoms, is the little child I used to be that is present, that is what I used to feel when I was a kid, I was so scared in the presence of people, I just couldn't handle it.

I remember that when I started going to school, I was 4 years old, it was a difficult time for me, beeing in the presence of all this kids and teachers must of been really hard, so much that I used to pee and shit on my pants several times a week, and my teacher would have to call home so they would come to pick me up, I remember that the answer from my mother and others in my family was physical punishment and humiliations.

They didn't understand that I was horrified by the presence of all these people. See I develop social anxiety as far as I know because of that strange relationship with my mother, she was very agressive with me, she used to beat me up until she couldn't do it any more and then she would start crying in front of me telling me that I was guilty, my God, I was just 4 or 5 years old..., this happened for many years, several times a week, during my infancy.

So I found (in my therapy process) a connection between my social anxiety now and my childhood, now I know that all these feelings of anxiety are the ones I used to feel when I was a kid, and they came back hunting me 3 years ago, when I started to get the social anxiety sympthoms. The kid that didn't resolved the situation back then, came back to me. this is what I am struggling with right now.

Do you follow my story, is it confusing? Let me know.

Next post I will tell you what happend next, when I was 6 years old and after, so you kind of start having a better picture of my situation. Excuse my english again, hope is not to difficult for you to read it.

*Fear to people, some times I feel like my heart is beating too fast, sweaty hands, difficulty to talk, I even sometimes feel like I can't breath, I can't hold still my jaw, the general feeling is of a great fear, like when something bad is going to happen to you, that is what I feel when I am next to certain people.