The begining of Social Anxiety - Personal Experience

I am not a native english speaker as you will see, but I write for two reasons: As a therapy to help me dealing with Social Anxiety and to force myself to practice the language, so if you find any errors please excuse my writing.

I have been really anxious this month, specially this last week, the feeling is bad, it is something like you don't have peace, f*%& anxiety...

If I go back to my childhood to try to find the origins of it, I can recall several situations:

- Beeing born in a home with an anxious mother
- I was born as a "hiperactive", kind of smart kid

I think those are the inicial facts that got me into this. My temper and growing with a mother with emotional problems.

I was told I used to be one of those unbearable babies, very active all the time, didn't have regular hours for sleeping, a lot of crying, difficult to get into eating schedules, etc... Plus a very anxious working mother who didn't know how to take care of me, I was left alone with a depress aunt or with a babysitter.

I was the only chlid for about 5 years, before my second brother was born, so my mother had all the time to experiment raising me during these years.

For what I can recall from my infancy (5, 6, 7 years old), my mother was many times depress at night, when she was alone with me and my brothers, she would take us all to her bed and started to tell us scary stories to make us affraid and then she would start crying, we didn't know the reason why, but it certainly made us feel guilty for what was going on with her. So I guess she must of been the same way when I was a baby.

So this is the inicial story with my Social Anxiety, growing with an anxious agressive mother, as you can see, that was my inicial contact with people in the world, through my mother. Can you see the picture? I was starting lo learn that the world was full of anxious agressive people, I learned that from that inicial relationship with my mother.

My father was kind of absent, he was always working and studying at night, so he was never around to regulate such agressive relation with my mother.

Well I am kind of tired now, I will continue with the story next time...